


When The Cat's Away, The Mice Will Play

by TarTarIcing



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Interrogation, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Splinter Cell, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:28:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27755383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TarTarIcing/pseuds/TarTarIcing
Summary: Zero enjoys his alone time in Rainbow.
Relationships: Gustave "Doc" Kateb/Julien "Rook" Nizan, Maxim "Kapkan" Basuda/Alexsandr "Tachanka" Senaviev
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	When The Cat's Away, The Mice Will Play

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Rainbow Six Siege or the Splinter Cell series. This is just an incredibly degenerate what-if mired in humor and gay sex. I just wanna write about Sam “Zero” Fisher, my dude.

Sam "Zero" Fisher laid in his bed, seeing the sun for the first time in a while. It was slightly cloudy in Hereford Base. England was never his style, but he didn't care to object to assignments. Today was a lazy weekend afternoon, with the SAS gone and a few others. The others that stayed kept to themselves or within their CTU, or Counter Terrorism Unit. He leapt out of bed and out towards the training grounds.

He thanked the privacy gods for being able to train and eat alone. No one tried to talk to him, not out of disdain but out of intimidation. They simply hid or walked away. He couldn't blame them, to them he was a world renown hero who was the starter of the very program they existed in. Vigil shrunk away and shifted tables at lunch. Valkyrie shuffled away during training. Hibana went to the end of the shooting range. Dokkaebi hid in the bathroom. Tensions seemed high as typically confident and intimidating people shied away from a person like them.

Sam tried to be cordial, but he knew better than to push. After refining his ARGUS launcher, he went to report to Harry.

"So how's your first free weekend here?" Harry asked, shuffling through documents and editing other papers.

"Liberating, but others seem to fear me," Sam answered, "A little disappointing but I'm not surprised at all."

"I'm sure they'll get used to you. It's only a matter of time until the fans show themselves."

"Fans?" Sam chuckled incredulously, "More like acolytes at this rate."

"Don't push it so much. It's fine. It's just so new to everyone else."

"Bit by bit. Someone's ought to open up."

"You're free to go, these reports are excellent." Harry gave a dismissive hand wave as he read through the other man's reports.

"Thank you, Harry. Have a nice day," Sam got up and walked out of Harry's office.

Celebrity was not a thing Sam Fisher desired. Running a hand through his salt and pepper hair, he locked the door. He laid on his bed, looking up on the ceiling. He was pushing past sixty, and yet he was regarded as someone who was half his age. He put his hands behind his head, wondering how it got to this point. His figure was almost the same as it was in his Third Echelon days. Almost being he had some aging, but he could fight and train as well as his peers.

Speaking of Third Echelon days, he mused at a particular moment. While he did have an ex-wife and daughter, he wasn't one for sex. Although he did have a mission to flirt with the multiple driven women in his life. He was quite traditional in that sense. However, there was a time he did exploit it.

_ Fourteen Years ago... _

_ He was sneaking around in his iconic catsuit and three eyed green goggles. He was slightly slimmer then. He was in the back of LAX, right behind the Tom Bradley International Airport. There were still some suspicious subjects lurking around the area. Irving gave him the go ahead to start the ambush. A Philippine Airlines plane was just parked, empty of passengers. Indonesian guards had started to swarm the cargo, looking for smallpox boxes and a manifest. He knew he couldn't go guns blazing so he started to circle around from the hanger to the landing strip. _

_ One by one, the Indonesian guards fell. The closer Sam approached the plan, the more alert they became. With silence and finesse, he interrogated them, holding them close with a knife to their necks. Bit by bit, he gathered the information needed to access the drugs and the manifest. They were in rows A to F and the manifest was in seat K112. How clever to put them in economy class. He made his way to the plane itself, ascending the stairs. _

_ He found himself in First Class. Everything was a beautiful soft shade of beige with a white trim. Irving told him there was one last person here. One last hurdle before he could call in other forces to clean up the mess made. It wasn't long until the last guard showed up from the reclining seats. Wasting no time, Sam rushed forward, knife in hand. He put him in a headlock, knife pointing to the man's chest. _

_ "Where's the last shipment of smallpox?" Sam tersely asked, "C'mon, we're alone here." _

_ " _ **_Persetan dengan ibumu_ ** _!" The last guard yelled back, struggling, "I'll never tell!" _

_ "I have my ways," Sam turned the guard in such a way that the guard was now facing him, "Don't make this hard, yeah?" _

_ “Bullshit! Your little American techniques won’t work on me!” _

_ “They all say that,” Sam hovered the knife into his chest, tip just scraping the guard’s armor. _

“GUS!” A panicked yelp from Rook emanated from the halls. Sam lurched up and pressed his ear to the wall. He heard the sliding of sheets and a bed creaking.

“Juju, the way my scrubs just hug every inch makes me want you more…” Doc growled, pouncing on him. The bed creaked even more and there was a slapping of flesh. Sam pressed a palm to his forehead. Young, horny soldiers were a dime a dozen, and at worst a logistical nightmare to manage. Relationships seemed to tangle a lot of things unnecessary and necessary together. The age gap between Rook and Doc was slightly concerning, but it was one of the least toxic and most positive relationships Zero had seen.

Not that healthy relationships weren’t possible in the military. Rook’s yelps and Doc’s growls echoed down the halls, making someone like Warden shut his door. Praise to be upon Tom Clancy. Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing himself off the wall. Telepathy wasn’t real so say the lords at Ubisoft, but it seemed so here. He can see the accusations of this organization being a daycare was valid. Leaping out of bed, he grabbed a book from his duffle bag. He started to read “The Hunt For Red October”, sitting upright in his bed.

He tuned them out instantly. Although he was playing with the hem of his briefs in the interim.

Kapkan and Tachanka were on the other side of the building. They were in Tachanka’s bedroom, doing their own brand of deed. Kapkan was underneath Tachanka, feeling the lord’s deep dicking. His screams were the most audible noise in that section.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Ying screamed, “THIS WILL BE THE TWENTIETH NOISE COMPLAINT HARRY IS GOING TO GET ABOUT YOU.”

She was ignored as Tachanka kept slamming himself into the younger comrade. Both the kinky fucks they are, Tachanka had a foot on Kapkan’s head. His massive belly and pecs bounced as much as Kapkan’s member did. Ying bounded out of her room, screaming:

“WHY CAN’T YOU BE NORMAL?”

And slamming Tachanka’s door in the process. Only muffled screams and moans resounded in reply. She then sprinted over to the other section of the building, shaking her head.

Rook and Doc slowed down, quieting down to giggles and kisses and then to cooing. Sam was still absorbed in his book. Hearing quiet thumping noises, he put his book down, shoved the bookmark in, and put on his shoes. As his heels settled in, the knob on his door forcefully turned. There stood an indignant Ying with a deathgrip on the door knob.

“Hello, Mei Lin,” Sam curtly responded, looking down.

“Zero,” Ying answered, swallowing heavily, “Kapkan and Tachanka are being loud again.”

“Have you your earmuffs?”

“Yes, and I can still hear them.” Ying put her hands on her hips.

Sam shook his head, “I see loud sex is a recreation here.” They proceeded to Tachanka’s room.

“Damn right it is.”

Tachanka took his foot off of Kapkan’s head and laid down. They were in a missionary position now, with Kapkan only making soft moans. Their hands intertwined, kissing here and there. Both Ying and Sam opened the door, looking at them. They let the couple mess around for a bit. Ying cleared her throat.

Nothing happened.

Sam cleared his throat.

Kapkan and Tachanka separate, facing the two at the door. Kapkan blushes wildly as Tachanka stares blankly. The hunter’s eyes darted away from them. Tachanka then uttered, “ **Da** ? I’m satisfying him better than what Glazkov could.”

“Keep it down.” Sam ordered, then pointed to Kapkan, “Harry told me about the noise complaints, Basuda. You keep it down especially.” There was a hint of annoyance in his voice as the hunter sunk into the bed in shame. They closed the door and walked back to the common area.

“Thank you so much, Zero,” Ying chirped in awe of the man next to her, “I understand them but they get very annoying.”

“It’s nothing, Mei Lin,” Sam replied, “Get a move on.” Ying ran off to God knows where. Sam walked back to his room. He was shaking his head the entire way and closed the door behind him. Kicking his shoes off, he jumped back onto the bed again. He picked up his book and started reading again. 

However, it wasn’t the same. He lost track a couple times and started to play with the hem of his briefs more. His mind went back to that memory at LAX.

_ “We could do this the easy way or the hard way,” Sam’s knife pressed ever so gently on the guard’s chest. _

_ “You’re wasting your time. You won’t get anything,” the guard growled. _

_ “Oh I’m making use of my time alright.” Sam pressed the tip of his knife a bit deeper. The guard shuddered, shaking his head. He put his other hand on the guard’s throat. “How about now?” _

_ “No!” _

_ Sam then put his knee between the guard’s leg and then whispered, “You will give me the location of the last Poxbox.” He tightened his grip, and the guard started to shudder more.” _

_ “Nope.” _

_ Sam pressed the guard’s body against himself. The shuddering continued and he felt a slight throb at his thigh. “Give me a number between one and a hundred.” _

_ “Sixty-nine,” The guard gasped, face now blushing. _

_ “Wrong number.” Sam pressed himself closer, putting his thigh down. He then used the hand on his throat to choke slam him into the floor. He started to straddle the guard, pulling the knife away.  _

_ “What now? Are you going to kill me?” His voice started to falter. _

_ “No, I’ve got a better idea,” Sam gave a sultry reply. He straddled back farther into the guard’s groin. _

_ “You wouldn’t-“ _

_ “I would, oh I would,” The agent gave another sultry reply. “You like this, don’t you?” _

_ “I do not, I’m nervous!” The guard tried to grab the hand on his throat, attempting to pull it off but to no avail. It was too tight and strong. He bucked his hips upward. _

_ “I can see it on your face.” Sam moved closer, breath tickling the guard’s face. “You aren’t slick.” He bucked his hips back into the guard’s. “You’re hard.”  _

_ “I’m not,” the guard’s voice shook. _

_ “You’re getting hard from this aren’t you? Pathetic,” Sam gave a dry laugh. He started to wiggle himself onto the guard’s erection. “And you’re only getting harder, huh?” The guard stayed silent, no longer shaking but wiggling back. In his hips and trying again to get Sam’s hand off his throat. Sam again brandished his knife against his throat. That only made the guard struggle more. He gave a slight tap at his hand. The guard then let go and then tried to undo Sam’s belt. Sam swatted his hand away, admonishing him, “No, I make the shots here.” _

_ The guard gave a groan, but Sam put a finger to his lips, letting go of his throat. He laid still. _

_ He bounced on him more, making the guard make more gasps.  _

Sam had now his jacket on the floor. His pants were now undone and his belt was unclasped. He was now holding the hem of his briefs. The book was now on the nightstand, only two pages forward. He laid all the way back on his bed, head on the pillow. His face was flushed and he was breathing faster. His other hand was under his shirt.

“How did I get here?” He muttered to himself. He quizzically wondered to himself, as he absent-mindedly rubbed his nipple under his shirt. He flinched, feeling the sensation course through his body. 

“So I heard bananas have potassium,” Frost shared, eating her banana. She, Clash, IQ, and Alibi were sitting at the lunch tables.

“Yeah, what of it?” IQ replied curiously, digging into her granola.

“I heard that if you eat forty thousand bananas in ten minutes, you die of radiation poisoning,” Frost continued.

“Ah yes!” Clash raised her voice, “The  **RADIATION** will kill you!”

“I doubt anyone can eat that many bananas in that time frame.” Alibi added, bewildered.

“This is boring, how about we make a pizza?” Clash suggested.

“That’s fantastic Morowa!” IQ clapped her hands in delight.

“The cafeteria staff is gone anyway!” Alibi noted. The women rushed to the kitchen.

Wamai and Castle just got out of the showers. They were walking towards the television area. Warden followed just behind them, sniffing them both. Wamai turned around to see Warden. He looked at the bespectacled man, confused.

“Why are you sniffing me?” Wamai asked, concerned, “I just showered.”

“That’s the point,” Warden answered, realizing how awkward this was, “I, uh…”

“Warden, what the hell man?” Castle joined in, “Yeah we’re Americans but that doesn’t mean we smell each other like dogs.” He raised his eyebrows.

“Well…” Warden stammered, “I… Wanted to ask you something.”

“You could’ve asked us like a regular human being,” Wamai snarked.

“I wanted to ask what kind of body wash you used,” Warden recovered, “You two smell good, I meant that in a benign way. I promise.” He stepped back and held his hands up defensively.

“Oh,” Castle had a glowing smile, “Well I’m sorry if we’re suspicious of you. Well, I have a bottle right here,” He pulled it out of the bag, a round bottle of blue and white, “It’s the Spishak Men’s Body Wash!” A little jingle followed Castle, with him smiling to some camera of sorts.

“It’s a 28-in-one body wash!” Wamai elucidated, also looking into some camera, “It’s not just a body wash, it’s a shampoo, conditioner, shave cream, body oil, lubricant, toothpaste-”

“What are you looking at?” Warden’s voice rose with concern, “I mean it sounds like a lovely product, but there’s things I want to know.”

Castle continued, with the jingle still playing, “Don’t worry about it. It’s made of multiple organic oils: Jojoba, Avocado, Coconut, Almond, Caster… It’s got it all!”

Wamai continued too, “And it smells great! And it moisturizes and freshens, and it also protects from…”

Castle cuts in, “Dirt. Grime. Bacteria. COVID-19. Diabetes. Godawful pairings like Doc and Lion.”

Wamai added, “Claymores. ACOGS. Pinecones. Blood. Sweat. Frag grenades. P90s.” Little did they know, Warden was being hit with all of the things described.

“Stop it! I get your point!” Warden was almost crying, “I’ll use your Spishak Men’s Body Wash.” Just then, Vigil walked across, looking at the commotion.

“You all smell good,” Vigil commented, looking at the men, “Even you, Warden, with all that stuff on you.”

“It’s the Spishak Men’s Body Wash!” All three said in chorus, “It’s the do-all, cure-all body wash!”

“What does it protect from?”

“Well,” Warden pitched, “Pinecones, ICBM’s, Hornets, Deer, Bees, Bird droppings, Drones, and last of all, Guano!” He looked joyfully at the same camera as Vigil was screaming and writhing in pain from all things Warden mentions.

“Thanks, Spishak!” The former three men chorused.

Sam pulled down his briefs now. His breathing was heavier and his erection was in full display. He started to stroke himself and pinch his own nipple now. He let out little moans as he writhed on the bed.

_ The guard was harder now and considerably bigger. Sam was still straddling him, feeling the erection between his ass. “You’re a grower, aren’t you?” He darkly chuckled at the now blushing guard. _

_ “Fuck you, it’s not here you American devil,” the guard spat. He started to thrust his hips upwards more.  _

_ “Liar,” Sam spat back, “Guess I have to keep doing this.” _

_ “No!” _

_ “Oh?” Sam gave a pout and then sarcastically said, “I thought you didn’t want this.” _

_ “If I could slip out of your grasp, I’d make you unable to walk for weeks!” The guard kept struggling. _

_ “I see a wheelchair in your future,” He lifted his ass up, feeling the head of the guard’s erection graze his entrance, “You want to defile me, don’t you?” _

_ “Fuck you!” The guard roared, shuddering. _

_ “I think I have a perfect idea on how to make you spill,” Sam said, finally undoing his belt and unzipping the front of his catsuit. His erection sprung free too, making the agent shudder in a restrained manner. ‘ _ Didn’t know I needed this. _ ’ He saw the look of delight from the guard. His body seemed to arouse the other. Sam then unzipped the guard’s pants and pulled out the already leaking erection, “You’re already leaking, what a desperate bastard.” _

_ “Says you for taking my dick,” The guard came out with a smug comeback. _

_ “You’ll regret that,” The agent put a hand down the seat pocket and found some lotion. He applied it to the guard’s erection, eliciting a hiss and a loud groan as Sam slowly descended himself down on it. He gritted his teeth as felt it stretch his entrance. Gravity then guided him down to hilt, suddenly dropping him. The guard let out a scream. Sam then bounced a little, then wiggled his hips at the hilt. “Pray tell the last PoxBox please.” _

_ “It’s with someone…” The guard moaned. _

_ “Good boy!” Sam bounced on him more, in fact taking the entire length and then lifting himself up to take it again. He didn’t forget to put a knife to his throat as he started to thrust upwards again. He responded by slamming himself harder down. “Care to give a name? Or do you want me to stop?” _

_ “Don’t… don’t stop please! Sadono said his name only a couple times…” The guard pleaded, panting. _

_ “Any alliances of this said person?” _

_ “I’m… not… sure!” _

_ “Seems to me you knew. What is he?” Sam sat down, ceasing any movement. _

_ “Shit!” The guard cursed, “He’s white like you, and…” He let out another moan, “Keep going, I need this!” _

_ “Have you met him?” _

_ “Yes!” The guard screamed as Sam continued riding him to oblivion. _

Sam sat up now, stroking himself and shaking to every bit of pleasure he was receiving. He knew the memory was fueling his arousal, but he didn’t expect to be frisky in his new hideout. His other hand gripped the sheets. His breath was shaky. He was even leaking.

He then had an idea.

He got up briefly to shuffle the pile of dirty clothes in his closet. It revealed a small unmarked box. He pulled the cover out to reveal a green long vibrator and lubricant. He wasn’t one for sex toys but if he had to buy one, it had to be the quietest one to exist. He even triangulated the delivery of said toy to alert absolutely no one. He went back on the bed and put two and two together.

Alibi was terrified about Clash’s idea for a pizza. Sure the crust was there, but the toppings were absolutely horrifying. IQ put fried chicken on top while Frost started putting tacos next to it. Clash was creating waterfalls of whipped cream. Alibi tried to salvage it with some anchovies, but Frost used her remaining bits of banana. 

“You guys are disgusting!” Alibi balked in horror, “This is not a pizza!”

“We have no cheese!” Frost countered, “We’re doing our best.”

Clash then added hot sauce to the pizza, “We found tomato sauce though.”

IQ sprinkled coconut next. Fighting back the urge to vomit, Alibi ran away.

“Aw man, she’s gonna miss the fun,” Clash sighed. The other girls sighed too but continued their toppings.

“Pinecones! Pinecones! Pinecones!” A chorus of men chanted as they shilled the Spishak men’s body wash.” Vigil, Rook, and Doc now joined the group. Kapkan was now being nailed with pinecones from every direction. “Worship of emotionally immature mediocre artists that pander and virtue signal!”

Aruni arrived today, with Ying as a tour guide. Dodging the commotion, they took a thorough tour of the Team Rainbow building. 

“You’re incredibly nice, Siu,” Aruni thanked softly, brushing her hair back.

“Don’t worry about it, we’re an open book,” Ying replied.

“Tell me, where’s your program instructor?”

“Oh, he’s in his office but he’s a very busy man. He’ll come out when he wants to.”

“I see, can you guide me to my room?” They went to her room and unpacked. After they were done, they sat down and chit chatted.

“Well there’s an urban legend that if you say Zero three times in the mirror, he’ll appear,” Ying said, “I dare you to do it!”

“I’m not chicken,” Aruni sauntered into the bathroom and poised herself at the mirror. She gave a smile and said, “Zero, Zero, Zero.” 

Only a whimper came. Aruni was confused and went back to her room.

“So did he come?” Ying asked, beaming.

“...No. But I heard a whimper,” Aruni was confused, “He doesn’t sound like that, right?”

“Oh, you might be hearing Kapkan, the guys are throwing pinecones at him for some reason.” Ying rolled her eyes.

Sam’s pants were now on the floor too. His back was now arched on the pillow and his left hand was holding it. His right was thrusting the vibrator in and out of him. He threw his head back and was uttering things to himself. A moan or two came out but he let out a few whimpers when he was hitting the right spot deeply. He was sweating and panting, totally undone from when he started his day. His hair was a mess and the vibrator was incredibly strong. And goddamn did it scratch the itch.

_ The guard was close to cumming now. Sam had been bouncing on him for a while. They cycled through names. The agent had started to become rougher and rougher. His nails dug into the airport carpet. His usually stoic demeanor broke between particularly hard slams, where he let out a suppressed moan or a pant. He now turned away from the guard, to hide the fact he was leaking a lot now. He was now feeling insatiable despite how long and how hard he’d been going. And that left him frustrated. And he threatened the guard with death if he ever touched him. _

_ “Does Penguin ring a bell for you?” Sam asked through gritted teeth.  _

_ “Yes! Yes it does!” The guard growled, in combination of satisfaction and familiarity, “I’ve seen it on the systems!” _

_ “Okay, does he have a prosthetic leg?”  _

_ “Yes! Yes! Oh god…” The guard climaxed inside him, filling Sam up. After a few minutes, Sam stopped bouncing and felt cum inside him. The guard could only mutter, “It’s Norman Soth, he’s appeared in our camp multiple times and is responsible for a lot of the chaos there. I don’t like him either.” He said between heavy breaths. _

_ “Thank you,” Sam tried to sound as curt as possible but he let a hint of frustration through, “I’m not done yet. You’ve failed to rearrange my insides.” _

_ “What? I came, how-” _

_ “If I wanted to rearrange my insides, I’d walk on an IED.” _

_ “Excuse me?” The guard was offended. _

_ “But I’ve another use for you. Stay still while I finish. Touch me and you die.” He covered one hand on his mouth and his other hand was still on the airport carpet. He started to bounce again, but with a ferocity the guard hadn’t seen before. The guard swore his pelvis was going to break. His member then finally slammed Sam’s sweet spot. He let out a grunting orgasm. “What’s the ETA on Soth?” He said in a single breath. _

_ “Twenty minutes,” the guard passed out from pain.  _

_ “Come in, this is Soth, come in. I am coming within ten minutes with the last poxbox.” A radio buzzed to life from the guard’s chest. Sam then cleaned himself up and the guard’s body. After that, he threw the body off the plane. Sam’s legs were shaking from the orgasm and his breathing was calm but shaky.  _

_ Irving Lambert then radioed in, “Jesus, Fisher that was ice cold. And that was freaky. I’m pleasantly surprised you even resorted to that.” _

_ “Oh come on, any interrogation technique is valid in the right situation,” Sam muttered, “Soth is the one with the last poxbox and he’s coming to LAX.” _

_ “Fisher, I hope you don’t do that to any other guard.” _

Looking back on it now, it bothered Sam that the dick was subpar. He had to do most of the work and for some goddamn reason that didn’t satisfy him. All in the name of intel he guessed. And it wasn’t the first time he rode a guard for intel in the same manner. Being on top was something he always liked. Especially that one Russian guard he did ride. That one was heavily closeted so he was more responsive. And that one made Sam come really hard. And sore, confused, and horny the rest of that week. 

But that was neither here nor there. It was more of a power rush than anything. He needed a little more to climax, and that little bit was sleeve on his member. He managed to get that easily through a seedy shop and it has been with him since.

Even in throes of climax, he still was making little noise. Just small whimpers and groans.

Kapkan was now a member of the Spishak body wash cult. The problem was there was no one else to shill to. So the men stood awkwardly holding their own body of body wash. Alibi then ran into the room, vomiting on Warden.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Warden freaked out, jumping out, “What’s happening?”

Alibi put her hands on her knees and was recovering. After she recovered, she gathered her breath and apologized, “Sorry, it’s just Monika, Morowa, and Tina are making an abomination that’s a pizza. It’s really bad.”

“It’s alright, I’ll shower. I don’t want to know what else is going on here.” Warden went to the showers dejectedly. Castle started to clean up the rest of the vomit. 

“Why are you guys holding shampoo?” Alibi looked at the rest of the men with eyebrows raised.

“It’s Spishak’s Men’s Body Wash, it’s 28 in one!” Wamai replied. Suddenly the jingle stopped. “Hm, the music stopped.” The other men then looked at their bottles in confusion. 

“You said there was pizza?” Vigil asked. Alibi waved her hands in disapproval.

“It’s not pizza,” Alibi replied in disgust.

“Did it look like pizza?”

“Yes, but…”

“Then it’s pizza, stop dancing around with words!” Vigil pointed towards the cafeteria. “Everyone, there’s pizza!” There was now a stampede towards the cafeteria.

IQ, Clash, and Frost were now exhausted, disgusted, and full. The pizza laid out before them on the table, piled high with deranged toppings and food. The silence was possibly thicker than the food. IQ had her head on the table. Frost laid on the seat. Clash crossed her arms. 

“...This was a mistake,” Clash broke the silence.

“I think we went too far.” Frost pointed to her.

“I don’t know what my stomach thinks,” IQ spoke without lifting her head up. They all sighed in unison.

“The moment you added hot sauce, that pizza was done,” Frost continued.

“I think it was the whipped cream,” IQ added.

“I think it was the banana,” Clash replied. They then heard a stampede of men breaking through the door. The men then proceeded to yell ‘ **PIZZA** !’ and rush towards it, grabbing whatever piece they can. Slices were never an option. The women were lost in the chaos, so they yelled.

“Have you moppets  **seen** the pizza up close?” Clash barked, “It’s  **disgusting** !”

“It’s best you don’t take the pizza, I’m serious!” Frost tried to warn them.

“Pizza is pizza!” Kapkan yelled back, eating his slice, “It’s still good anyway!”

“I’ve been very hungry!” Wamai agreed, ripping a corner, “We’re all hungry!”

“You will regret this,  **dummkopf** !” IQ flew into another table, screaming. Alas, their warnings were drowned with the ravenous grabbing and eating of this supposed ‘pizza’. Even Ying and Aruni joined, as they were hungry too. The cafeteria filled with inhuman noises as they consumed the whole damned thing, much to the horror of the original three women’s eyes.

Harry looked out of the doors of the cafeteria doors, seeing the pizza eaten so ravenously. He then uttered, “Mother of god…”

“I warned them,” Alibi joined him at the door, pale.

Sam was jamming the vibrator into himself and dropping any illusion of stealth. He was swearing up a storm as he was stroking the sleeve too. The memory of the Russian guard was a lot more satisfying. It took a lot for him to come, an irony for a man as stealthy as himself. Even with Ragen, she commented on how high his sex drive was. 

After more stroking and jamming, he finally came. He let out a few ropes of cum, whimpering. In a rush of rationality, he remembered to keep quiet as he let out a few ragged breaths. He then swiped some cum with his fingers, noting it was still white despite his age. He then flipped over, hugging a pillow.

“Why am I like this?” He sighed, still looking at the string of cum between his fingers, “I thought I’d get less horny when I’m older, not more.”

The cafeteria was now full of regret and disgust as both the men and women sat lifelessly.

After Sam laid there incredulously, he willed himself to get up and clean himself. He threw whatever dirty sheets and clothes into the hamper. He then replaced them with UN-issued stuff no matter how much he hated them. They were thin, dry, and scratchy. The American ones weren’t any better, though. He washed his toys in the bathroom and then put them underneath a UV blacklight in the depths off his closet. He then went back to the bathroom and washed his hands and face. 

Sitting upright on the bed again, he continued reading his book.

“I told all of you, but you wouldn’t listen,” Alibi called the people out, since there was a long line to Doc’s office. Harry immediately made everyone go to infirmary when one person started vomiting. 

With his urges satisfied, Sam was reading a lot faster, finishing a single chapter. Just as he was starting another, he got a ring from his phone. He rolled his eyes to see the notification.

He went over to see a long line of people slumped in their chairs, moaning in pain and disgust. He started a lecture, “Rainbow, what I have seen and heard has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen soldiers partake in. Making some abomination of what one calls a pizza? Then eating the said pizza when you were warned not to? What is wrong with you all? If you’re hungry, eat something decent. If you want to cook something, don’t waste resources. You’re all disgusting. Tomorrow, all of you are going to do simulation work  **all day** . Do you understand me?” He then whispered to himself, “So I enjoy my alone time and you guys use it to lollygag? Pathetic.”

Everyone blanched but nodded in respect.

“Good.” Sam disappeared into the shadows again. 

Twitch sat in her room, analyzing drone and cam data. She recently gained access to the ARGUS. There was a new file on it, and she opened it. It featured Zero on the bed, doing some alone time activities. She let out a giggle as she watched with intrigue. 

Her giggling stopped as she heard a gun click at the back of her head.

“Emma, give me that footage or I swear to god…” A voice swore.

“Lera!” Twitch screamed, turning around in her chair, “You scared me!” Finka held out a thumb drive and Twitch took it. She then transferred the file to it and took it out. Finka nodded as a sign of thanks. “We can watch it first though.”

“Fantastic, nothing wrong with a repeated viewing,” Finka sat down on a stool next to Twitch to watch. “Oh, this is going to be  **spicy** .”

Sam let out a few moans and groans as he pleasured himself. After a few minutes, the screen blacked out and only showed the three green lights. Both women cursed to themselves, only to see Sam right behind them.

“You’re both going to do simulation work too. Also, language.” He disappeared again. The women then cursed again. “Also don’t bother to copy the file. It’s already self-destructed.” He disappeared into the shadows again.

“Can’t have shit in Hereford,” Twitch complained with a pout.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Alrighty that’s the story. I love Zero and had so many ideas that it made me write for the first time in a while. Sorry to say I’ve been drawing way more and delving into stuff like animation and 3D so my writing’s a liiiittle neglected. My commissions are open though if you want me to write stuff you like though. I just love Zero, Sam Fisher, or whatever the frick, okay?  
> Persetan dengan ibumu - To hell with your mom (Indonesian)  
> Dummkopf - Dummy (German)


End file.
